


Brave the Storm

by cissues



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Abuse, Coming Out, Eddie-centric fics every day all month!, Fix-It, I just never explain why or how, It's EDDIE MONTH!, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pre-Slash, SO, Sort of... I mean they're all alive, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 16:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21305327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cissues/pseuds/cissues
Summary: “Sure, I get that, but I think you underestimate him. I think you just need to be brave. You’ve always been brave, Eddie, but sometimes I think you forget that.”---Eddie and Bev and a late night phone call.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 17
Kudos: 131





	Brave the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> It's Eddie's birth month and so here's an Eddie-centric fic that talks about parental and spousal abuse and coming out and facing fears and all that! I wanna write more fic about Eddie and how he's the best.
> 
> This is DIALOGUE HEAVY because it's hard to write a fic about a phone call without there being an excessive amount of dialogue. I'm not SUPER happy about how the dialogue turned out but hopefully I did my kids justice.
> 
> I'm @peachieweech on twitter where I post almost exclusively about reddie and beepbeepbitchboy on tumblr which is also pretty much all reddie so... follow me there! And send me prompts if you want!

They still keep in touch.

Every time Eddie’s phone pings with a new notification from their group chat, or the occasional direct message from someone or other (usually Richie), a moment of sheer relief washed over him. Even months later after talk of another get-together and whispers of a Ben and Beverly wedding start turning into solid plans, Eddie is still so shocked and relieved that they’re all  _ alive _ and they’re  _ together _ and they still  _ remember _ .

Which is why when he gets a call late one night, sitting sleepless on his cheap couch, he jumps slightly and marvels at the name on his screen.

_ Beverly Marsh _

Richie has a whole host of horrible nicknames that he has them saved as in his phone. Eddie knows this from the ridiculous amount of screenshots of their own group chat that Richie sends as “receipts”, whatever that means. Eddie knows that his name in Richie’s phone is ‘Edward Spaghedward’ and he knows that Bill’s is ‘Big Bill Benbrough’ with the red “B” emoji instead of the actual letter. Eddie is sensible, so everyone is in his phone as their first and last name and in their information he’s included home addresses and work numbers, when applicable. Ever since he’s had to take Myra off of his emergency contacts he’s been careful to list as much information as possible about the people he would  _ actually _ want to be there in the hospital with him.

He answers the phone.

“Bev,” he says as a greeting and his voice sounds throaty and pinned down, so he clears his throat and tries again. “Hi, what are you still doing up?”

Eddie knows that, in Nebraska, it’s slightly earlier, but there isn’t much difference between three and four in the morning.

“Hey, Eds,” Beverly says and her voice sounds tight and her breathing is short and Eddie sits up slightly where he’d been slouched, mindlessly watching television. He turns off the TV and leans over his own lap, eyebrows pinched. “What’s going on, Bev?” He asks and his voice shakes only a little as his anxiety begins to list every possible option, starting with the worst thing imaginable. He presses his lips into a tight line to prevent every thought that comes to his mind from spilling out. Now is not the time.

“Um, I just-- how are-- do you still think about Myra?”

And that is not what Eddie thought she was going to say.

“Uh, I… try not to? She doesn’t exactly make it fucking easy, though, what with the alimony and weekly soliloquys in my voicemail. Why do you ask? Is everything okay with Ben?”

Beverly sighs long and stuttering before she says, “yeah, yeah, everything’s great with Ben. He’s like, the perfect fiance, he treats me with respect and cares about what I think and lets me talk about whatever stupid shit want. I just… keep having nightmares.”

They all have nightmares. They talk about it sometimes together when someone messages the chat late at night, carefully dictating some fucked up dream about Pennywise or Bowers or some other newly discovered memory of childhood trauma. They will share and comfort and make each other feel so much less alone. Beverly does not seem to be talking about any of that, though.

Eddie can hear wind whip against the phone’s microphone and he can hear the quiet inhales and exhales of Beverly smoking.

“Ah,” he says stupidly, staring ahead at his wall as he tries to think about what to say. “I, um… every time I use my inhaler I think of her, you know?” He says finally, pressing a hand against his forehead. “It’s so fucking stupid, because I know it’s fake now, but when I got back to New York and Myra started  _ fucking _ yelling at me and I felt my throat start to… close up. And she had to get my back-up and she started lecturing me on like,  _ taking care of myself _ and shit like that. And for a minute I was looking at my  _ mom _ and all I could hear was the shit she used to say to me, telling me I was sick when I felt  _ fine _ and how I had to be so goddamn  _ careful _ all the time and it made me feel… small. I still think about that. I think about it a lot. It was really fucking hard to leave, Bev. How do you say no to someone like that? How do you leave someone like that?”

He hears Beverly sigh again, but it sounds relieved. “Okay,” she says. “Yeah, I just… sometimes I look at Ben and I sit there and I  _ wait _ for him to start yelling, you know? Like the other day I forgot to text him that I was going to the store and when I got back I sat in the driveway for like  _ twenty fucking minutes _ because I was so scared of what he was going to do. But it’s  _ Ben _ . He would  _ never _ do that. He’s not… not fucking  _ Tom _ . He’s not my  _ dad _ . But sometimes I still… I’m still so scared. It’s like… something It could never do. It’s worse than any of that. I don’t even get nightmares about It anymore. It’s all…  _ him _ .”

Eddie notices he’s shaking and moves his hand to wrap around his own wrist. He knew Beverly had gone through some fucked up shit, but he didn’t realize how close to home it would hit. He swallows audibly and nods, even though she can’t see.

“I still… sometimes I’ll hear a beep, like my watch when we were kids? And my heart will just… it’ll feel like it’s going to fucking explode. I can’t go into a pharmacy anymore without feeling like I’m gonna shake out of my goddamn boots, Bev. I still have all of my old pills. They’re in my medicine cabinet. I don’t take them but… sometimes I forget and I think I like missed a dose or something and I’ll hide in the bathroom like I used to with her. Did you know-” he stopped himself for a few moments, closing his eyes against the burning of tears. Bev waited patiently. “Did you know she would spike my food? I used to get so sick when I ate junk food. Like, any junk food with any amount of hydrogenated oils in it. My mom would tell me it’s the sugars and preservatives and shit, but I caught her one night. She used a  _ needle _ to put some shit in all of our junk food. I don’t know what it was but  _ fuck _ , I realized that she probably did that to so much shit. I went to the  _ hospital _ because of it. Then Myra wouldn’t even  _ buy _ it she just  _ told _ me that I had an intolerance but wouldn’t even say what it was an intolerance  _ of _ ! Fuck, Bev… oh my  _ god _ !”

“Yeah,” Bev said and she was laughing sort of hollowly. He heard the click of her lighter and realized she was lighting a second cigarette. He sort of wished he was there to smoke it with her.

“I miss you.” He said and he could almost hear her smile. “I miss you too, Spaghedward.”

“Ugh, please don’t manifest that fucking word into the meatspace. I swear to god, it’s bad enough when Rich  _ tags  _ me with it…”

She’s laughing for real now and he smiles into the phone and chuckles a little along with her. After a moment of quiet she says, “do you think we’ll ever get better?”

Eddie sighs, loud through his lips so that they make that funny noise. He runs his fingers through his hair - it’s getting longer, he should get it cut sometime soon - and leans back against his couch like that question had physically pushed him there.

“Fuck, Bev, I don’t know. I really fucking hope we do. You have Ben, though. And even if it’s hard like all the fucking time, I know he’ll do everything he can to help you, to make you feel safe. Also you should go to therapy.”

Bev laughs again, slightly incredulous and Eddie tries not to preen about getting her to laugh so much. “ _ You _ should go to therapy, Eds,” she says with a smile in her voice, “and you should get yourself a Ben.”

Eddie’s heart sort of stutters and then does one big  _ thump _ before he can breathe at all, albeit unevenly and heavy. He doesn’t say anything and after a minute Bev makes a sort of gasping noise, “oh, shit, I didn’t… I’m sorry, I just meant someone who can- Eddie, are you okay? I didn’t mean anything--”

“I uh… it’s fine, Bev,” he croaks, the grip on his phone slipping as his palms start to sweat. “I… wouldn’t be  _ opposed…  _ I mean you have the  _ only _ Ben but something- someone along those lines,” he swallows and it feels like every secret he has is stuck in his trachea and he purses his lips and shakes his head, trying to dislodge it.

“Like a- fucking… a  _ person _ a…  _ fuck _ \--”

“You really don’t have to say it, Eds,” Beverly’s voice is gentle and quiet and she’s not saying  _ not _ to, she’s telling him he can wait.

“No, I already said this fucking much, might as well keep spiraling, right? Why the fuck not?”

Beverly is quiet and patient and he keeps swallowing and swallowing and expecting the secrets to roll back down and he’ll have to make a stupid joke to deflect and Bev will just let him because she’s kind and empathetic like that, but they won’t go back down and it feels like he’s going to  _ throw up _ but he can’t and finally he says,

“ _ Dudes _ .”

He hears Beverly choke back laughter.

“Fuck.”

She really does laugh this time. He frowns because it doesn’t feel bad. It doesn’t feel like she’s laughing  _ at _ him and it doesn’t even feel dissatisfying or anything. It was kind of funny, so he laughs too and then suddenly  _ relief _ washes over him and he sort of shouts and then his laughter grows and Beverly goes quiet and then he goes quiet and she says, again so softly, “proud of you, Spaghetti.”

“I didn’t even fucking say it.”

“Yeah, but you said enough. Wanna say any more?”

He hums and swallows again but this time there’s nothing caught in his throat. It feels clear and when he opens his mouth to speak, the words fall out like it’s nothing.

“I knew I was…  _ like that _ , I guess, for like… thirty years? I just knew I didn’t really care about girls - besides you, obviously -”

“Obviously,” Bev agrees in a quiet and delighted voice.

“I just wanted to hang out with my friends. For a while I thought it was because sex was so fucking disgusting to me, but then there were guys-” he breaks off for a moment as his cheeks heat and he feels another secret coming up, one he hadn’t let himself think about in a very long time.

“There was  _ a _ guy. I was… I was fucking  _ crazy  _ about him. I, um,” he licks his lips and listens to Bev’s breathing for a long moment.

“I still  _ am _ fucking crazy about him.”

“I  _ knew it _ .” Bev hisses as soon as the words left his mouth and his face flares up. If it had been Bill or Stan who had replied that way he probably would have been angry, he thinks, but Beverly has always been perceptive, always paying attention to her friends. It was the reason she called him tonight, because she knew he would have understood because she  _ knew _ things without people telling her and Eddie is okay with that. He smiles, chuckles a little into the phone and rubs at his cheeks that still burn.

“Don’t… don’t say anything, please.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Eds,” Bev says and it sounds like she smiling. “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you have your Ben.”

Eddie scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I don’t  _ have _ shit,” he says, only a little sour.

“Sure, if you say so,” but she sounds sarcastic and it makes Eddie’s heart pound a little faster. He presses his palm to his chest and sighs.

“I can’t… it’s not like that with him. It won’t ever be-- it’s different.”

“Sure, I get that, but I think you underestimate him. I think you just need to be brave. You’ve always been brave, Eddie, but sometimes I think you forget that.”

His breath hitches and he blinks at a sudden stinging in his eyes. “I’m not being a fucking coward, Bev, it’s just different. There’s a lot of risk involved. I like what we have right now, I’m not going to fuck that up because of some childhood crush.”

“It sounds like it’s a lot more than a childhood crush. I get that it’s scary, but I really don’t think... Eddie, when and if you ever wanna be brave, I think he might surprise you.”

“Yeah, sure, Bev. I’ll… get right on that. Thanks.”

“Anytime. Thank  _ you, _ Eds. I love you and I’m proud of you.”

Eddie’s throat clicks and he frowns at his wall again, processing the onslaught of emotion that this phonecall had brought up within him.

“Mm… I love you too, Bev. Go to bed.”

“Goodnight, honey.”

Eddie ends the call, staring at his phone for a long several minutes. He recognizes, vaguely, that he’s crying and sniffles, wiping at his cheeks. He jumps when his phone lights up again, showing him a message from Richie.

‘ _ u up ;) _ ’

He scrubs at his face, breathes in deeply, and decides to be brave.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi thank you 4 readin! Please comment if you liked it and kudos are wonderful!
> 
> Again: twitter - @peachieweech  
tumblr - beepbeepbitchboy
> 
> Feel free to send prompts to either one! I love you!


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